Letting Go: My Journey to Minimalism

If you don’t love it, leave it or let it go. For the next six weeks I will be repeating this to myself daily as I encounter every last one of my belongings. One of my goals for this year is to simplify my life. So, of course being the exhibitionist that I am, that means not just organizing and tossing a few things, but becoming a minimalist. Well, at least I’m going to try. And ‘rational minimalism’ at best (reading Simplify by Joshua Becker)—I’m not seeking to deprive us of things we will regret parting with, but to be more thoughtful about why we own something.

I’ve always fanaticized about living in a space that felt open, light and uncluttered; and now working from home more consistently has made the impact of all my stuff more apparent. I have too much. Period. On top of just having a lot of tangible stuff, I can recall the emotional stuff that is tied to some of those purchases. Break-ups, let downs, job losses, deaths, disappointments—each moment in my history has been memorialized with a tangible item, leaving the energy in my home feeling heavy and uncharacteristic of an environment I think best reflects where I am today.

One thing I remember and really appreciate about having lived in Europe is their appreciation for living life outdoors. Home was where you commune and rest, sure, but the world was for exploring and sharing with your community. Children played outdoors, museums and parks were full of just as many natives as tourists and the energy was lighter.

That’s what I want for my son and myself—to have a home that is not only peaceful, but also full of thoughtful and purposeful energy. Every item will be something necessary or loved. I really want him to learn, just as I did, that the relationships you have in life and the energy you bring along with you are far more important than the stuff you own. I believe in showing and not telling; and just as much as I want to teach my Bean this lesson I am partly seeking to acknowledge that I, too, am more valuable than any tangible item that needed to be purchased. I am enough, and so are you.

Make the things and people who fill your life earn their keep. Do they make you happy, teach you something, make you want to be a better you? Or does your smile diminish in their presence and fill you with anxiety? Follow me on this journey and, if all goes well, I hope to have some pretty awesome stories to tell and photos to share.

xo, august & pepper

Daytime Stories | An Unfortunate Celebration of Misery

I recently had a one-sided chat with a friend of mine—so it was more me listening than anything. As she spoke my heart grew sad because, while it was her voice, she didn’t sound like the same person I had known for over ten years. She had fallen in love with the wrong man, and if this chapter of her life were a fairytale, it might go something like this…

There once was a beautiful girl named Sunny from the golden side of a mountain; who grew up to be an even lovelier woman. She was kind, smart, funny, and well-developed in every womanly way. She made boys giggle and grown men cry. She was the epitome of self-confidence, strength and independence. Then, one day, a boy (let’s call him Brown), with as many years as a man (but not quite the level of maturity to appropriately don the title) was introduced to Sunny; and a violently passionate romance ensued. 

Now Brown wasn’t a gentleman, nor was he smart or kind, but Brown was a survivor from a low valley. He was from a world where empathy was akin to death and smiles only preceded chaos, but because he was more attractive than others of his kind he was mistaken for a man of integrity and strength. Brown pursued Sunny until all her guards were down. He made her laugh and she told him stories about her childhood and friends and the hopes she had for her life. She loved Brown. 

Brown, knowing that Sunny was under his spell, suddenly began to play a game with her heart. There were riddles and traps designed to make Sunny second guess the woman she had grown to be. You see, Brown knew that one day Sunny would find out where he was from and what legacy (or lack thereof) he had inherited—being from the low valley. He couldn’t have that at all and knew that his only hope for surpassing his people was to conquer the soul of a golden-hearted woman. 

The games tried Sunny and the riddles outwitted her until one day she fell asleep and awoke the next day not even remembering her own name. Her appearance grew dim, her intelligence waned, and her posture destroyed the well-placed womanly figure that made her the envy of all the ladies of the mountain. Brown had stolen her soul and, one by one, her people turned away from her to spare themselves the grief of witnessing her impending demise. 

Who would save her if she wouldn’t save herself?

xo, august & pepper

How to Meet Men and Make Friends

This is a slight deviation from my usual posts, but I thought it necessary to address as we approach what has seemingly become the Single Woman’s National Day of Cynicism.

Valentine’s Day has definitely become incredibly commercialized, but the day was founded with the best of intentions. Of course card sellers, candy makers and jewelry retailers all over the world profit from such a day, but we shouldn’t allow those aspects to dictate our appreciation for a day designed to celebrate the heart. I can’t think of a person on this planet that would hate the idea of being loved or loving in return.

That being said, I recently recalled a comment made by one of my spectators—you know, the people who aren’t really friends, but watch you and your life for entertainment. I had been living as a single twenty-something just outside of DC and was navigating the dating world again for the first time in three years. This ‘spectator’ had observed me interacting with different men on occasion and said, “You never seem to have a hard time finding a man.” While I could have been immediately offended and curious about whether or not she was 'throwing shade' or just making an innocent observation, it dawned on me that her comment was laced with envy. Had I taken for granted that I make ‘friends’ easily?

I recognize that there are tons of books and magazine articles spanning the decades that tell us how to meet, and even marry the man of our dreams. I’ve read a few myself, and even rolled my eyes a time or two, so I’m not interested in belaboring those points. However, I’d like to share with you what has worked for me. What may seem like common sense to some, might be worth reminding others. So here goes:

1. Smile. Who would want to approach someone who looks like they’ve secretly planted a bomb in the room? Smiling is a universal language that says ‘hey, I’m normal and happy.’ When you smile, it invites other people to do the same, and just makes you prettier. So do it.

2. Make eye contact. Okay, but don’t stare—that’s just creepy. Looking someone in the eye says ‘hey, I see you and it’s okay to say hello.’ Smiling and making eye-contact does not mean you have to entertain everyone who comes your way, but it does say that you’re not angry at the prospect of meeting Mr. Right (or right now for that matter). You still have a choice in who you actually choose to date, but right now you need to meet someone to choose from. So stop mean-mugging every man in the room. It’s ugly and it makes you look damaged.

3. Be confident. This is not to be confused with being snobby or arrogant. No one likes a brat who’s sipping her own kook-aid. Know who you are and what you like, for starters. This prevents you from seeming like a flake in conversation and makes you more interesting to other confident people, but helps you weed out the insecure ones—you don’t want a man who’s too insecure.

4. Be open. No one said you had to marry everyone you meet so just be open to making a new friend. Don’t walk into a venue with the idea that everyone who wants to buy you a drink or dinner is after your undies. You’re more powerful than that, ma’am, so you’d have a choice in that matter after all. So laugh, enjoy yourself, but know for yourself what the boundaries are in your interactions and you’ll be just fine. 

5. Be attractive. This has nothing to do with genetics and everything to do with knowing what you have and how to make it work for you. What colors bring out your eye color? What hair style complements your bone structure? Ever seen pictures of famous people before they were famous? Yeah, some of them were a mess, and not all the fixing included plastic surgery. Learn some makeup tricks and ask a friend to help you style yourself. Believing that you look your best makes all the other components easier to achieve.

Have some advice of your own or experiences worth sharing? Leave a comment below or on the A&P Facebook page. Sharing is caring after all. Let's all work together to help each other become our best, brightest, and happiest selves.

xo, august & pepper

making monday | Sauteed Veggies & Salmon Over Quinoa

Image courtesy of Erin Hawkins

I have some pretty awesome friends and one of them happens to be a chef. Not only did she fill my undergrad memories with amazing versions of fine restaurant dishes, but she continues to tempt me while multitasking our phone convos with meals I hear sizzling from the other end of the line. Here's a dish by Erin Hawkins that might make for a fine V-day celebration at home.

What you need:

1 Salmon filet
5-6 ounces of pre-washed quinoa
Extra Virgin Olive Oil (EVOO)
1 red onion
2 celery stalks
2 cloves garlic
1 half red bell pepper
1 half yellow bell pepper
4-5 baby portabella mushrooms
1 jalapeño pepper
4 kale leaves julienned, stalk removed
1 can chopped tomatoes
1/8 teaspoon nutmeg
1 teaspoon basil
1/8 teaspoon marjoram

What to do:

Sauté onion and celery in EVOO over medium high heat until the onion is translucent. Salt the onion and celery. Add the garlic, bell peppers and mushrooms. Salt the vegetables. Next, add the jalapeño and kale. Allow the kale to wilt, then add salt. (Note: You want to add flavor in layers so your food will be seasoned throughout.) Once the kale has wilted, add in the tomatoes. Stir, add a little salt, nutmeg, basil and marjoram. Cover and reduce heat to medium low for 10-15 minutes. Add the salmon, covering it with the vegetables. Simmer until the salmon is fork ready.

Okay, I'll be over for dinner!

xo, august & pepper

Writing High

 Life moves so quickly. In the spirit of V-day week, take a moment to examine which of your needs aren’t being met. I have a terrible habit of putting everyone before myself and at the end of a long week of incessant to-dos, I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. You’d like to think that someone would recognize that you have enough on your own plate and save you the trouble of saying ‘no’ to his or her needs for a day—but that just doesn’t happen. So what can you do to bring yourself back to center?

Write yourself a letter. Be the voice of the friend you need at that moment and show some compassion to yourself. Ask how you’re feeling, what you need and express the one thing that would totally make your day. Take a moment and think about what the response would be and, if it’s within reason, give yourself permission to indulge. For me, it’s often a trip to my favorite sushi spot in the city or a visit to Gravely Point to watch the planes land. I like to call this process 'writing high' because it forces you to think from a more elevated position than where you currently are mentally.

Know what it takes to make you smile and feel loved. Is it a song? A favorite quote? An image? Make a decision, at that moment, to be who you want to be instead of who you have to be in order to survive your life. Looking to others to make you happy can leave you empty, so be prepared with your own emotional emergency kit and a smile will always be within reach.

xo, august & pepper