How to Meet Men and Make Friends

This is a slight deviation from my usual posts, but I thought it necessary to address as we approach what has seemingly become the Single Woman’s National Day of Cynicism.

Valentine’s Day has definitely become incredibly commercialized, but the day was founded with the best of intentions. Of course card sellers, candy makers and jewelry retailers all over the world profit from such a day, but we shouldn’t allow those aspects to dictate our appreciation for a day designed to celebrate the heart. I can’t think of a person on this planet that would hate the idea of being loved or loving in return.

That being said, I recently recalled a comment made by one of my spectators—you know, the people who aren’t really friends, but watch you and your life for entertainment. I had been living as a single twenty-something just outside of DC and was navigating the dating world again for the first time in three years. This ‘spectator’ had observed me interacting with different men on occasion and said, “You never seem to have a hard time finding a man.” While I could have been immediately offended and curious about whether or not she was 'throwing shade' or just making an innocent observation, it dawned on me that her comment was laced with envy. Had I taken for granted that I make ‘friends’ easily?

I recognize that there are tons of books and magazine articles spanning the decades that tell us how to meet, and even marry the man of our dreams. I’ve read a few myself, and even rolled my eyes a time or two, so I’m not interested in belaboring those points. However, I’d like to share with you what has worked for me. What may seem like common sense to some, might be worth reminding others. So here goes:

1. Smile. Who would want to approach someone who looks like they’ve secretly planted a bomb in the room? Smiling is a universal language that says ‘hey, I’m normal and happy.’ When you smile, it invites other people to do the same, and just makes you prettier. So do it.

2. Make eye contact. Okay, but don’t stare—that’s just creepy. Looking someone in the eye says ‘hey, I see you and it’s okay to say hello.’ Smiling and making eye-contact does not mean you have to entertain everyone who comes your way, but it does say that you’re not angry at the prospect of meeting Mr. Right (or right now for that matter). You still have a choice in who you actually choose to date, but right now you need to meet someone to choose from. So stop mean-mugging every man in the room. It’s ugly and it makes you look damaged.

3. Be confident. This is not to be confused with being snobby or arrogant. No one likes a brat who’s sipping her own kook-aid. Know who you are and what you like, for starters. This prevents you from seeming like a flake in conversation and makes you more interesting to other confident people, but helps you weed out the insecure ones—you don’t want a man who’s too insecure.

4. Be open. No one said you had to marry everyone you meet so just be open to making a new friend. Don’t walk into a venue with the idea that everyone who wants to buy you a drink or dinner is after your undies. You’re more powerful than that, ma’am, so you’d have a choice in that matter after all. So laugh, enjoy yourself, but know for yourself what the boundaries are in your interactions and you’ll be just fine. 

5. Be attractive. This has nothing to do with genetics and everything to do with knowing what you have and how to make it work for you. What colors bring out your eye color? What hair style complements your bone structure? Ever seen pictures of famous people before they were famous? Yeah, some of them were a mess, and not all the fixing included plastic surgery. Learn some makeup tricks and ask a friend to help you style yourself. Believing that you look your best makes all the other components easier to achieve.

Have some advice of your own or experiences worth sharing? Leave a comment below or on the A&P Facebook page. Sharing is caring after all. Let's all work together to help each other become our best, brightest, and happiest selves.

xo, august & pepper